Going To Hell...Who's Coming With Me?

Yes, I'm still working through Lackey's Elemental Masters series.

One thing that deeply annoys me in this series (and which is probably responsible for why I never got into it the way I did the Valdemar books) is how heavily its brand of feminism relies on the "I'm not like other girls" trope of being dismissive of women who are not, in the character's opinion, sufficiently strong and independent. To the point of the main character in The Fire Rose literally thinking that unlike most women, SHE uses her brain.

Sarah and Nan are the worst offenders, possibly just because the middle of the series randomly became The Sarah and Nan Show before moving back to stand-alone stories in a shared magical universe. Sarah and Nan, who are portrayed as virtuously middle class in spite of the fact they're actually being supported by Lord Alderscroft so they can be "on call" when he needs their powers for investigations. All the benefits of being the idle rich, but they have to darn their own stockings rather than buy new ones, so they're allowed to still be good people.

I don't much like Sarah and Nan. Or rather, I don't much like the "people should help one another, except when we disapprove of the person needing help, and then she's a silly bint who should have known better and fuck her, learn to be self sufficient" behavior that's so common to them. (This is very specifically aimed at the opening of The Case of the Spellbound Child, which is completely unrelated to the rest of the book and either exists because Lackey needed to fluff her word count, or just so Nan and Sarah can be sanctimonious.)

So anyway, I have issues with these books, and the issues just expand as I grimly force myself through the series.

But as annoying as it is when characters are smugly superior about other characters who exist solely to give the mains something to be smugly superior about, it's a whole other level when you have your characters be smugly superior about how "silly" and "unrealistic" the popular novels of the time are, with the unspoken but clear message of "unlike the well-considered tome in your hands right now, Gentle Reader".

I mean, maybe it's a sign of self awareness, of Lackey knowing she doesn't have a leg to stand on when it comes to criticizing "horrid gothic romances" and "people who make up the most absurd idiocy out of whole cloth." But frankly, given the tone of this whole series, I'm more inclined to read it as the book proudly proclaiming "I'm not LIKE other books."

But, apparently it is a thing. Behold what other books 50 Ways to Eat Cock has led me to (Amazon links ahoy):

Fifty Shades of Bacon which should not be confused with Fifty Shades of Chicken. Or, for that matter, Fifty Shades of Coq.

The Snacking Dead, a "parody cookbook filled with snacks for every occasion, tips for cooking under duress, and a love story that will send ripples down your spine". (There is also an official The Walking Dead cookbook (and survival guide), btw.)

Similarly, you can spring for the official GoT Companion cookbook, A Feast of Ice and Fire, or you can go for the parody Game of Scones. (The latter, according to the look inside, features a "Red (Velvet) Wedding Cake".)

And then, as I was chasing down this rabbit hole of cookbooks, I discovered that, in addition to my beloved World of Warcraft cookbook, there is now a Hearthstone: Innkeeper's Tavern Cookbook. Which I need. Because some Jade Brew and Polymorph Puffs sound like just the ticket for raid night. (Or maybe Leeroy's Angry Chicken Cheeseballs would be more appropriate after a few wipes.)

All of this has just made me want to write an unofficial Ironpaw Family Cookbook, damn it. Pity it's so hard to find mushan ribs outside of Pandaria.

Is apparently the theme of an anthology now. (Amazon link)

And therefore, I am always annoyed when I pick up an indie book that looks good, has an interesting premise, and then turns out to be shallow, half-developed, and powered entirely by the idiot ball.

This applies to YA just as much as books allegedly aimed at adults. Thus was I really fucking disappointed in A Quest of Heroes (Amazon link), which I am pretty sure I picked up because it was a) free and b) the title seems like a perfectly good phrase for a group of adventurers, amirite? A quest of heroes, a murder of crows, a pack of wolves...

Sadly, the book was not nearly so clever as that, and the worldbuilding was tissue thin. And I don't want to say the main character is dumb as a box of hammers, but his awareness of the world around him extends for about six inches. This might be accurate for a fourteen year old, but it makes for a damn boring MC.

Most importantly, the ways the book is bad are very much self-absorbed Mary Sue-fic bad. Not because the MC is practically perfect in every way, but because the world shapes itself around him. You can tell the villains because they Instahate Our Hero Thor (don't name your hero Thor, people, unless your hero is Thor). The designated Good People equally Instalove him. He is deeply confused why he is hated! And why he is liked! In fact, Thor spends a great deal of the book clueless, conveniently has magic powers as the plot demands (but the Mysterious Magic Man won't explain jack shit, he just shows up to make Mysterious Pronouncements), receives the gift of a magic falcon maybe-familiar from the King roughly five minutes after showing up at the capitol, finds a probably-magic white leopard on a hunt, etc etc.
( In which I complain at length. )
In short, Thor doesn't earn things so much as he bumbles his way into being in the right place at the right time, meeting the right people, and then managing to blow it all through sheer lack of sense. The people who oppose him oppose him for no good reason. The Evil Gay Trope offends me less than the sheer lack of sense or intelligence demonstrated by LITERALLY EVERYONE. Declaring your book YA - and I question that, given the whole "getting Thor drunk and buying him a whore" part - doesn't absolve you from basic logic and sensible character development.

The book ended on a cliffhanger, but frankly, I choose to believe the end of book 1 is the end of Thor's story. I'm certainly not going to pay money for the rest.

Today, based on someone gushing about it in one of my writers' forums, I went to pick up Rachel Aaron's 2k to 10k: Writing Faster, Writing Better, and Writing More of What You Love. As it turns out (thank you, Amazon memory), I have owned this book for almost two years.

Much like with the Libbie Hawker blurb book, my failure to remember this book was a sign.
( Again, this gets long )

So, another writing advice book that just doesn't work for me. It isn't wildly at odds with how my brain works, and honestly, a lot of it resonates with how I write fanfiction. But by the 50% mark, it just hadn't given me anything concrete or enlightening enough to keep me reading for the rest of her advice.

...that my beloved darthneko is unfamiliar with the novels of Martha Wells, and only learned of her because of the upcoming Murderbot Diaries.

In case any of the rest of you are in similar straits, this is Martha Wells' Amazon page. I will personally vouch for Wheel of the Infinite, The Cloud Roads (and subsequent Raksura books), and City of Bones (which is probably my favorite).

And this book right here is the reason why.

(Yes, I totally blew off NaNo last night to stay up until the wee hours reading a book about zombies. Also, OMG LAST CHAPTER LAST CHAPTER LAST CHAPTER OMFG! BOOK THREE CANNOT GET HERE SOON ENOUGH!)

So I ordered myself Golden: A Retelling of "Rapunzel" ,The Crimson Thread: A Retelling of "Rumpelstiltskin" , and Wild Orchid: A Retelling of "The Ballad of Mulan", all from the Once Upon a Time series of YA novels. I just hope they don't suck. (I mean, if Golden sucks I will just re-read Zel, which is an awesome version of Rapunzel, and I don't have any huge investment in Rumpelstiltskin, so mostly I am hoping that Wild Orchid will not suck.)