dragovianknight | Entries tagged with my issues-let me show you them

Apparently, some insidious part of my brain takes the words "very female" in regards to one of my OCs as an insult/criticism/sign something must be fixed/changed. *head in hands* (It probably doesn't help that this character is across-the-board broken held together by a thin veneer of Action Girl {TV Tropes link redacted so you don't all lose your weekend}.)

Current Mood: conflicted

I have got to get better at the whole "enjoying myself" thing without the accompanying "self sabotaging into full blown depression" thing. (This is not just a matter of "I ruin fandom for myself". I ruin - deliberately, consciously strip the pleasure from - all sorts of things. I can't count how many vacations I have ruined because they are going to END so why shouldn't I start being miserable halfway through? I'm fairly certain my sister will never go on anything longer than a day trip with me again, because a miserable dragon is a passive aggressive dragon.)

So at some point today there will be icons. And if I want to make twenty Arcee icons, that is okay. And if I decide to freshly screencap my new Beast Wars DVDs and make icons from that, also okay. Because I should feel free to make myself happy without some weird sense that happy on my own terms is wrong.

Or maybe I will just watch cartoons and knit my sweater and enjoy myself that way. That's okay too.

Oh, oh, oh! One more thing. My green hair is fading at a rather alarming rate - I give it a week before I simply look over-chlorinated, I've already stopped getting the "OMG YOUR HAIR IS GREEN!" reaction - which leaves me facing the vitally important question: purple or blue?

Current Mood: thoughtful

I mean, seven days from "discover shiny new fandom" to "burn out on shiny new fandom"...that's fast, right?

(I don't expect this to be a permanent burn out, it's more of a "watching all available episodes every single night after work wears at the shiny" burn out. With a side of "waiting for them to fuck it all up", if I'm being honest. Still. A single week. That's impressive.)

Edit: You know, if I'm really being honest? It's 90% "waiting for them to fuck it all up", 8% "Oh gods why do I love anything ever when I know they will fuck it all up", and maybe 2% burn out. This is the kind of mental self defense that keeps me from enjoying things while they last, and I should admit that's what I'm doing and try to break myself of it. Because doing otherwise makes me miserable and adds to my general crazy levels.

*does not like being honest with self, noooo*

Now I have to add the "my issues..." tag to this.

Current Music: SJ Tucker - Hymn to Herne

Get Your Cyborg Name

In "me" news, I can feel myself sliding into the "everything I do is pointless, and I am worthless except in the ways that I can serve others" brainspace, and since I know I'm terribly not fun when I'm in this spot, you can expect a few days of radio silence (unless it magically decides to go away while I sleep).

In conclusion, dragons.

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: TKR theme complete

Sometimes, I wish that I were a better writer, who could write things with plots and nuance and depth, and that I cared about any of the popular fandoms, so I could participate in things like remixes and big bangs. Pity my brain doesn't seem to work like other people's.

Current Mood: sad dragovian is sad :(

Instead, a combination of work stress and trip stress has triggered the "OMG TOO MUCH!" switch in my brain, leading to a situation where all I am capable of doing is curling up with the computer and freaking out over the fact I'm not ready to walk out the door for the airport right this minute (keep in mind it's Sunday afternoon here, and I don't leave until Friday afternoon, plus I'll only be gone about 52 hours all told), and hence, I am not doing the things which would result in my being ready to walk out the door for the airport right this minute, and my stress levels are spiralling. *cries*

Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: Nox Arcana - Stygian Depths

I do not like Mr. Foster. I mean, okay, I'm not a fan of sock monkeys in general (I'm not actually a fan of monkeys in general), and if I'm going to the trouble of knitting a sock I want to be able to USE it, but when I look at Mr. Foster - especially Mr. Foster dressed in clothes - I don't see a sock monkey. I see something that makes me want to smash you in your fucking face, designer person. And I have to remind myself it's supposed to be a monkey every time I look at it.

But I still hate it.

My icon has no relation to this post; Zorro just makes me happy.

Current Mood: uncomfortable

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Going To Hell...Who's Coming With Me?

(This Handbasket's Really Comfy)

Entries tagged with my issues-let me show you them

I fail feminism forever

I'm going to enjoy having a shiny new fandom if it kills me

I think this may be a record

If you're going to nullify, of course accuracy is important

This has been your afternoon emo

I should be looking forward to my trip

Maybe it's me. Is it me?

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December 2023

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